Let’s be frank: They say that 50% of the life we live in this world doesn’t fall on the positive side of the spectrum. That means for every fun evening at a restaurant with friends, there’s a TV dinner alone at home. For every three days vacation, there’s three spent with a cold or the flu. For every positive experience or action in our life, there is an equal and opposite negative one. Now, that can simply be an hour spent bored on your phone or a meal burned on the stove — it doesn’t have to be something terrible. But it isn’t something positive.

A lot of people struggle with this idea. The possibility that there’s just as much subpar in this world as there is amazing can be a difficult pill to swallow. And I can almost guarantee that everyone reading this will fall into one of two groups: Those that are nodding along, thinking “that seems about right.” And those indignantly thinking “I’m not so sure I like that idea.”

But here’s the difference. The first group, we know that just because a moment doesn’t fall into the “positive” category doesn’t mean it’s not purposeful, or meaningful, or worthwhile. And oftentimes, the turning point of going from the first group to the second is very simple. It’s gratitude.

Even in those moments that are heart-wrenchingly painful, mind-numbingly boring, absolutely frustrating, or even a mild annoyance can contain something to be grateful for.

You get a flat tire? You get to spend an extra half hour talking to your kids while the tow-truck comes, or connecting with your father as he helps you change it. You learn what to do in the situation so if it happens again, it’s not a scary or daunting thing to fix. You get delayed after work and miss rush hour. Your husband feels so bad you had to deal with it, he makes you dinner (and cleans up afterward).

Or maybe you get laid off. What’s to be grateful for in that? It pushes you to a new career that’s better suited for you/with more upward growth/with a better paycheck/that forces you to learn new skills. You switch jobs and make amazing friends at your new location. You get to stay home with the kids. You get to take that vacation all those work hours were holding you back from. You never have to see that overbearing boss again.

Or maybe it’s as simple as your friend cancelling on dinner plans at the restaurant you were really wanting to try and now you have to spend time home alone. Well, you get to finish your new book, or watch a new show you’ve really been interested in. It gives you the time to actually clean out that old closet you’ve been meaning to tackle. You get to fall asleep early and end up having the best rest of the week.

And those are just the benefits you can see in the moment. What about the serendipitous, universe-taking-control-of-things, God’s plan-type benefits that you aren’t even aware of? Maybe getting a flat tire now means missing getting rear ended later. Maybe switching jobs means a new coffee shop on the way to work where you’ll meet the love of your life. Maybe your friend cancelling last minute saves you a bout of food poisoning.

And I know, I know. This all sounds like it’s unimportant, minuscule things. What’s wrong with just feeling pissed you got a flat tire?

When you regularly zoom out of the moment and look at the big picture of things — which searching for gratitude during the bummer parts of life forces you to do — it keeps you in a state of good mental health. Anxiety issues? No thank you. Stress and anger? Let’s choose calm instead.

If you look at the world and your experiences within it as pieces of a puzzle, scenes in a movie, or crumbs leading you down the path you’re supposed to be on (insert more cheesy metaphors here), you feel more in control because you’ve let go of control. You’re more able to take what comes to you because you’re not afraid of it. You welcome every new experience as vital, important, something to be grateful for. And who wouldn’t choose living a world without fear?

Have you ever experienced this type of a situation where you’ve felt overwhelmed in the moment but grateful for it later? Share in the comments below, or join the party on my Instagram and share there: https://www.instagram.com/katrina.widener/

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